Monday, March 29, 2010

Photos and Feelings!!

I did a lot of thinking today when I was running. I managed a nice 10.6km run in 1:31:09, and I didn't have to wear my vest from my mom. My hubby was going to an event after work and he biked in today so he has it. Instead I wore my bright green shirt and my hubby's yellow t-shirt. I must have been quite a sight running with my red stroller in my crazy neon shirts and black sweat pants. That brings up an interesting point I thought I should write about. Please note todays blog may contain Too Much Information for some and will have feelings, so if you want to stop reading now I won't be offended.

I think everyone who wants to lose weight wonders how other people see them. I felt very hesitant about starting to run because I was nervous about what people would think of me when they saw me running. The funny thing is I don't worry about men as much as women. I was a big tom boy in school and I find there are three types of men (boob, legs and butt) and I have nice junk in my trunk and have always been a chesty girl so I don't worry what they think of me, it's the other running women. I don't run very fast because I have little legs and am pushing a stroller but I still worry what others think of me when I run.

When I first started running I was convinced every person who ran past me thought of me as a fat cow and secretly laughed at me for bothering. When I see larger people working out I always think good for you, keep up the great work, but somehow I never think others see me that way. Even now, I'm lighter than I have been with my husband I see feel uncomfortable running some days. I push my stroller and hope that people assume my extra weight is all baby weight, even though I'm already a few pounds under my pre-baby weight, 2.2lbs to be exact. I know I look good, and this is all about becoming healthy not to look good but I can't help feeling this way some days. I'm starting to worry a bit if I will ever be okay with how I look. If I will ever see the skinny girl in the mirror.

I thought that writing this blog might help me feel better when I go out to run tomorrow, and on April 1st I'll be posting a before and after photo of my last three months of work to show off what my running has done. On a funny note, there were two bulls on the dirt hill today and that made me laugh.

3 comments:

  1. I aspire to run - so your blog post inspires me. Love your point. I too am self-conscious of other "fit women" passing me. Perhaps it's all in my head!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This post really resonates with me, I have felt and continue to feel the same thing. I actually have never mustered up the courage to run outside, and always fear that everyone will be looking at me as I jog. Funny enough, i love running on the treadmill at the gym though! My mind plays funky tricks with me.

    I know what you mean about every being okay with the reflection you see in the mirror. I have lost almost 65lbs over the last few years and I have days where i look in the mirror and see myself at my starting weight.. I think it is one of those processes where the mind takes a lot longer to get in sync with the body, than the body does!

    Congrats for keeping up with all your running, you motivate me to jog outside. I think I will try it this week for the first time. You inspire me :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've been feeling like this too honestly! I want to start the Couch to 5k training, but I'm scared! I've been putting it off because I don't want to run around my neighbourhood looking like the poor fat chick who dying trying to run 2 minutes at a time!

    ReplyDelete