Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Feeling down.

So I had a little cry today before my run. Like literally two minutes before I was on my treadmill running. I've been feeling off the past few days, and I don't like it. All married couples have their little disagreements and usually I'm the one who's fine five minutes later and has to tell Steve it's not a big deal and to get over it, but this weekend we had one of those tifts and this time I'm the one who's feeling it days later. I won't go into details of why I feel so depressed (mostly because 1/ he reads my blog and 2/ I don't feel like bashing my hubby on the internet tonight) but it centers around how I feel as a mom. He basically made me feel like I'm a horrible mother. He tells me I do a good job and am a wonderful mother, but then he makes me feel as if I'm expected to do the major child things while he rests after his day of work and criticizes me whenever I show weakness or impatience. So ultimately he says one thing and does another, and now I'm all depressed and feel like an awful mother.

I just wish I had more patience and could be the mother I wish I was. I have so many insecurities about my skills as a mother and about when and how I can control my temper and now he's made me feel so much worse. I am working hard to get my running in everyday to help offset my temper and make me more patient and happy but I just want to curl up into a sad little ball right now. I know I will get over this, and I know my husband and I will be fine (we'll be together forever and can make it through anything) but I just feel so judged by him right now that I've avoided touching him for the past few days and don't really want him touching me, and that makes it worse because I start to feel lonely. Hopefully I'll suck it up and get over this soon so I can get on with my busy day to day life. Wish me luck.

Here are my precious girls that I wish I could be a better mother to.

2 comments:

  1. (((HUGS)))
    Your body is going through a HUGE hormonal change right now too...you are an AWESOME Mommy!!!! Don't let anyone (including yourself) tell you any different!!! We all lose our temper at times and do things that later we look at and think we should have handled that differently, but we have to forgive ourselves and learn from the situation.

    (((HUGS)))

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  2. You are a wonderful mom. First and foremost, though, you are a human being and all human beings lose their temper and feel impatient at times.

    I have to say, I'd be a train-wreck with one child, let alone two!!!!

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