Friday, May 11, 2012

Retraining my brain.

In another 0.8lbs I will have lost 40lbs, again. I have now hit that stage of weight loss where I have to really work on retraining my brain. I try to be a strong woman. I try to say the parts of me I don't like are fine since they gave me two healthy, beautiful girls. I try to see myself through the eyes of my friends and my family. I try to see myself for who I really am! But the truth is, when I look at myself in the mirror I still see the post pregnancy fat me. I know that this sounds crazy since I've worked my way down to a size 8 but I find my brain takes a long time to catch up with my body. I still catch my reflection in a mirror and have to stop and think "Holy cow, is that really me? Where did I go?!"

But when I am getting ready in the morning or for bed, I look at myself in the mirror and I see all my insecurities. Lately, I have tried to block them out and one of my biggest has become much less visible over the last little while. So not seeing my back fat every day is helping me to feel better about myself. In a shirt you can barely even see it, and the only time I really notice it is when I am getting dressed after a shower. So considering that this is one of my biggest physical insecurities I am so happy for them disappearing. My bum and hips are much larger than I would like but I know they will shrink at least a little bit with the weight that's left to lose, and the marathon training will slim me up a bit too. The other issue, that I'm a bit self concious about just requires a little more lift from my clothing, which will happen as soon as I can wear a real bra and not just a nursing bra.

The last part of me that I feel needs some work is my hair. I have had long hair since I can remember and tomorrow I have an appointment to have a bunch of it chopped off. I'm very excited about getting my hair to match my new body and look. I'm excited to get this extra crap chopped off and have a lot less hair to deal with now that the weather is going to get hot in the summer!

"I'm not touching my sister's penguin. What are you implying?"

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