Thursday, July 26, 2012

Am I just CRAZY?

No really do you think I'm crazy?

Honestly I've been asking myself this a lot lately. I wonder it when I am eating my after dinner snack on Friday. I wonder it when I am dragging my butt out of bed at some awful early hour. I wonder it when I'm running my crazy long run on Saturday morning. I also wonder it when I'm planning my life for the next few weeks. There are days that I am so tired I can't think straight, and some that I drink a good litre of coffee just to get through the day! On these days I really start to wonder if maybe I've just lost my mind in this whole marathon thing.

It's said that the hardest part of running a marathon is the mental challenge of getting through that distance. There is a point in every race where you doubt yourself and your mind plays tricks on you. I think this is true for training for a marathon too. I've hit the half-way mark of my training and my mind is starting to play tricks on me. I am starting to doubt myself despite my advances in pace and distance. I know it's silly. I know I'll be so proud of myself afterwards. I know I'm fundraising for a great cause, but I just don't feel like it anymore. I've lost the fire in my belly.

Before when I didn't run for more than 48 hours I was going in withdrawal. I would feel like I was being lazy, and go stir crazy until I could run again. But now when I don't run I feel relief and plan what all I can get done on that day since I'm not spending an average of 1.5 - 4 hours preparing for, actually running and then cleaning up afterwards. I spend over almost 7 hours a week just running, and that doesn't count the getting ready before hand, or cleaning up afterwards. No wonder I feel like I never see my husband anymore! All that time comes after sleep, work and tending to the girls' needs.

Oh well. I may feel like I'm crazy or that I can't do this at times. I may even feel like I'm stupid for doing this some days, but I am also proud of all my hard work and everything I've accomplished. Like I said earlier, the training, and the race have their lows and highs, and right now with so much still to go, after putting so much work in already, is just a bit of a low for me. I'll be back with that fire in my belly in no time!

1 comment:

  1. You're not crazy; you're a runner. :)

    But maybe, in a good way, runners are a little bit crazy. And that's okay.

    You can do this!