Sunday, November 11, 2012

Colds and Hard Choices.

In Lillian's chair eating Lillian's pizza.
Our family has been competing against a cold that doesn't seem to want to end for a week now! Katrina threw up on Sunday last week and that was the start of it. She was home Monday and then Wednesday - Friday. Steve was sick with her the whole time too. Now on Saturday him and Katrina started to feel better but Lillian and I were down for the count. I think I have the weakest of the colds, and Katrina the worst of it, but Lillian was fighting a pretty bad fever last night and I have to say I was worried about her. I know that kids get colds and fevers and that's part of parenting, but she looked so sad and out of it, and I was so helpless to do anythings about it. In the end the children's Advil brought her fever down and she fell asleep but I don't like to see her like that. Today she is much happier, though still a sickie boo, and Katrina is just taring up a storm around our house.

But now I feel weak and sick and am really tired. I've spent most of my weekend running around the house getting what needs to be done, done, and the rest I've been sitting on the couch trying to rest as much as I can. It means I got to spend a lot of time cuddling my little ladies this weekend.

Sneaky little sister.
But what this weekend has also given me a lot of time to think about things and one particular thing has been stressing me out a lot lately, the choice of whether to have a third child. I want another baby, and often when I look at our girls or our family photo I see a missing ghost baby that should be there. But lately more, and more, I feel as if it isn't right to have a third. Our world is already crazy overpopulated, we can't keep having more children at the rate we are and provide for them all. I know I live in a country that can handle the extra kids and even encourages it because we have a population drop. I also know a lot of people (suddenly) who are having a third and that makes me worry more. If we were the "wackos" who wanted 3 in a mass of 2 kid families I'd be less concerned. But we seem to be part of a wanting 3 mass of people. I worry about the economy, the world at large, the environment and what an extra child would mean for all of them. But I also look at my two beautiful girls and think why shouldn't I have a third? We can afford it. We can provide for them all. We can educate and love them all. But I still don't know. Ultimately adopting a third would be the ideal choice, but my hubby is not so keen on that. So I will continue to ponder and stress out trying to make the choice.

Ultimately this choice won't be made today, but I think I need to go talk to a professional, since everyone I know has very strong opinions for or against a third and I need someone with outside perspective. Thankfully, Steve is fine with this and encourages me to talk to whoever I want.

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