Tuesday, November 6, 2012

My breaking heart.

I have some very dear friends in my life, and I am thankful for every single one of them. One of my friends has a family that she is close with us recently lost their daughter after a long battle with cancer, and my heart is just breaking for this family. Right now I have a sick little one with Katrina having a mild fever since Sunday night. I can't say for sure if it's from a bug or teething, but we've been up every night, and as exhausted as I am I keep reminding myself that I get to hold her, and comfort her and there are mothers out there who no longer can. I look at my beautiful Lillian with her fine blond hair and wonder what I did to deserve such wonderful children.

I'm the second child of a family who lost a child, and it is a pain my mother has worn every day for my entire memory of her. She doesn't laugh as much as other moms. She was always a little over protective, but she loved me so much, and even as an adult I can feel it all the time. But as a mother I just can't fathom the pain that a mother goes through when they lose a child. I can't even imagine a day without my girls. I can't go to sleep without checking on both of them at least once to know they are safe and sound in their beds. I've seen cancer take someone I loved, and I know it's painful to watch and hard on everyone around them, but when your grandfather is dieing you know it's part of life, and after 75 years (60 of which were in great health) you know life has been good to him. But what do you say to the parent who's losing a 3 year old, or a 7 year old like my mom. They didn't get to do so much. I always like to think my sister achieved everything she was meant to do in just 7 years and that was all she needed, while I'm still trying to do my part here. But the truth is, I don't understand whey bad things have to happen to children. I don't think it's fair that families have to go through this kind of pain.

I believe in God. I believe in a purpose to everything, but this is the one I will struggle with as long as I live. Sorry to bring up such a sad topic, but it's been breaking my heart now for the past few weeks and I needed a way to express it.

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